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  The three musketeers? Yeah, she guessed they had been. She, Gabe and Steve had spent a lot of time together. Steve and Gabe had raced each other through the Pointes early each morning. They’d boated together, played tennis, barbequed, celebrated the kids’ graduations and professional achievements, and they’d been in and out of each other’s houses as if related.

  And Jenny couldn’t press him. Much as she hated to admit it, the afternoon of Annie’s tirade, she had been right about one thing. She relied on Steve too much. He helped with the condolence notes, he fixed the glitch with her computer, he kept her active, getting her out of the house to play tennis or check out a movie each week, he brought in her newspapers when she let them pile up at the end of the drive, and he called several times a week to be sure she was okay.

  Jenny probably saw more of Steve than Annie did, and much as she appreciated it and as comfortable as it was, it really wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair to Steve—or Annie. Jenny returned her attention to her meal. “Steve turned me down.”

  “Why?”

  “Inexperience.” She chewed and swallowed. “And he wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing.”

  “Bull. Why don’t you try him again? He’s had some time to get used to the idea. And what he lacks in experience and knowledge, he’d make up for with the passion his friendship would bring to your case. Try him again.”

  “Maybe.” When associated with Steve, the words passion and friendship made her uncomfortable.

  “Go ahead,” Judith pushed.

  “I will.”

  “Now.”

  “Why now?”

  “Why not?” Judith wiped her mouth on her napkin. “I’ll go with you.”

  Chapter 14

  Maybe it wouldn’t be such an imposition, Jenny thought. She’d pay him—it wasn’t as if she’d ask Steve to do it pro bono. It had been several weeks since they last talked about it; maybe Steve had changed his mind. Or maybe Judith could change his mind. She could be very persuasive. “I don’t know.”

  “What’ve you got to lose?”

  “A friendship? Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. Sort of like you shouldn’t go into business with a friend.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. There are millions of successful businesses run by friends.”

  “All right. But I’m warning you, it’ll be a waste.” She insisted on calling Steve and asking if they could come over, thinking it only fair to warn him before springing Judith on him. Although they’d met a couple of times before the funeral, Judith’s take-charge personality took some getting used to.

  They crossed the yard, and Steve met them at the back door. He offered them a drink that both declined, then they sat around his coffee table in front of a small fire.

  “So what’s up?”

  Jenny handed him her list of lawyers. “I’ve been turned down by just about every family attorney in town. Can you think of anyone I’ve missed? Or maybe you know somebody out of state that might represent me?”

  “It’s not likely an out-of-state attorney would take your case, Jenny. He’d need to be familiar with Michigan law.” Scanning her list, he shook his head and sat back in his chair. “Geez, I’m sorry, Jen. I can’t think of anybody. I have to admit I’m a little surprised. I didn’t think it’d be this tough to find someone.” He rubbed a thumb against his lip. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “Why don’t you take it?” Judith suggested.

  “It’s out of my league. I’d do more harm than good.”

  “I disagree. Jenny’s got nothing to lose by going with you. Besides, you’re a good friend of the family who knew Gabe well. Who better to fight for her?”

  “I explained to Jenny that I wouldn’t be the best advocate for her, because I’m still not convinced what she’s doing is right.”

  “Why not?”

  Steve hesitated, clearly not wanting to explain himself to Judith, but her set expression must’ve told him she wouldn’t leave without an answer. “She took his sperm without consent.”

  Judith made a face. “Oh, come on. They’d been trying to have a baby when he died.”

  Steve’s gaze snapped Jenny’s way. He knew she’d been pregnant when they went away for the weekend, but she’d never told him they’d been trying to have a baby—she’d never told him the baby was an accident either. He was probably wondering why she hadn’t told Judith about the miscarriage.

  Ignoring the fact that the pregnancy had been an accident, Jenny perpetuated the lie with a curt nod. “Actually, I was pregnant. I lost the baby right after the accident.”

  Judith looked at her sharply. “You were? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Jenny shrugged. “There was a lot going on. I…” And I couldn’t bear another loss. I didn’t want to think about it.

  Steve had been the only other person to know about the baby, so why tell anybody about the miscarriage? Nobody else needed to know her shame—that they’d argued over a hypothetical pregnancy and her running off had gotten Gabe killed.

  “Do you have proof?” Steve asked

  Jenny blinked at Steve. “Proof?”

  “That you were pregnant. Of the miscarriage.”

  “I guess. I went to the ER hoping they could stop the bleeding. They ran tests confirming the miscarriage.”

  Judith turned to Steve, triumphant. “There’s your proof.”

  “That helps,” he admitted, “but it’s not conclusive proof that Gabe would want her to have a baby under these circumstances. Anything else? A visit to an obstetrician? Fill a prescription for prenatal vitamins? He didn’t tell me, but might Gabe have told anybody else that you were trying to get pregnant?”

  She frowned and shook her head. No vitamins. No OB visit.

  “Why?” Judith asked.

  “If there was some kind of written proof that Gabe had purposefully gotten her pregnant, it seems she’d have a better chance of winning. Without clear, indisputable proof of his intent, I don’t see how this decision could be made except by witnesses testifying to what they thought Gabe would have wanted had he conceived of this scenario before his death.”

  “So it’ll all come down to George’s word against mine?”

  “It could,” Steve said. “Are you sure you want to do this? Think about the child. This trial’s going to attract nationwide attention, if not worldwide. You won’t be able to escape it. How do you think your child’s going to feel when kids make fun of her saying she was mixed up in a test tube from a dead man? They’ll label her a freak.”

  Freak was a bit harsh, but kids could be mean. She frowned. There had to be a way to protect her child. “I’ll prepare her. I’ll tell her she’s a special gift from her daddy in heaven. She’ll be strong enough to ignore them.”

  “Really? Bullying is a rising problem and by doing this, you’re making your kid an easy target. Aren’t you afraid she’ll resent you for making her a curiosity?”

  “She’ll be fine,” Judith said. “Jenny can get counseling from child experts beforehand so she’ll be prepared.”

  “What makes you think they’ll know how to handle it? This situation’s pretty rare.”

  “This isn’t so different from test-tube babies. I’m sure they have a support group Jenny can join.” Judith dismissed his argument.

  Jenny’s head whipped back and forth like a spectator at a tennis match. For every valid concern Steve lobbed, Judith smashed it down with a ready answer.

  Steve turned to Judith. “What’s your stake in this? Why’re you helping her? You two weren’t bosom buddies before Gabe died.”

  “No nefarious reason. Jenny needs the support. It’d make Gabe happy to know I’m looking out for her…and,” she smiled ruefully, “maybe I’m making up for past behavior.”

  “Or maybe you’re keeping her close to keep an eye on your kids’ inheritance,” Steve suggested. “Nothing wrong with that. I’d expect it of a shrewd woman. What about Alex and Ted? How do you think this will affect them?”
r />   What? She’d never even thought that. What was Steve doing?

  A flush blotted Judith’s face, unbecomingly. “They’ve been expecting Jenny and Gabe to announce a pregnancy ever since they married.”

  “But that was a natural conception with a baby being born into a family. A different thing altogether,” he pointed out. “You don’t think that they’ll be embarrassed, if not angry, that their half sibling was conceived in such a perverted, public way? I think you’re fooling yourselves.”

  “You want to know what I think?” Judith paused, staring intently at Steve. Tension charged the room. “I think you’re afraid of losing. Losing such a high-profile case would make you look bad.” She arched her eyebrows, looking superior. “You pretend to be Jenny’s friend, but underneath, you’re just a jock afraid of losing.” She stood up. “Come on, Jenny, he’s not going to help.”

  Jenny gasped. How could a simple debate have deteriorated into this angry insult-flinging argument? She just wanted to have her husband’s baby, not start a war. “Judith, that’s not fair.”

  “He hasn’t denied it.”

  Jenny looked at Steve. He sat, jaw locked, glaring at the fire. Her heart ached for him, knowing how much the accusation must have hurt.

  “He shouldn’t have to defend himself—especially when we’re asking for a favor. Let’s go.” Jenny was reluctant to leave, but after Judith’s vituperative comment, she was anxious to get her away from him. Judith meant well, but she’d been unnecessarily cruel. She glanced at Judith’s retreating back and then touched Steve’s shoulder in passing. “I’m sorry.”

  As soon as they closed the door at Jenny’s house, Judith sat in a chair looking thoughtful.

  Jenny took the chair opposite her. “What was that? He didn’t deserve that. He was just playing the devil’s advocate.”

  “You think so?”

  "Of course. That’s what lawyers do. Steve's a friend; he’d help if he could.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Judith stared at her as if puzzling out a curious problem. “He was a bit too dogmatic,” she mused, “too emphatic in his objections.” She put a finger to her lips, tapping. “He wasn’t objective enough…as if it was personal. Personal?” Her expression lightened. “It is personal. He’s jealous. He doesn’t want you to have Gabe’s baby. He must have feelings for you himself. Of course. Now it makes sense.”

  “That’s ridiculous. We’re just friends. Besides, he’s engaged.”

  “Nooo.” She warmed to the idea. “I saw the way he watched you. And when I told him you’d been trying to get pregnant, he got a sick, funny look on his face.”

  “That was confusion. He knew I’d lost the baby and was just surprised you didn’t.”

  Judith shook her head. “No—it was more. He paled and tensed. And he went out of his way not to touch you, which means, of course, that he wants to. Nope, he’s attracted to you—it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  “Steve’s not attracted to me; he’s engaged. If anything, he treats me like a little sister.”

  “Nope.” She leaned forward, suddenly serious. “I was wrong to insist he help you—not wrong, I didn’t know how he felt about you. You can’t trust him. Forget him, we’ll find someone else. After Christmas I’ll get on it. You’re still coming over for dinner aren’t you?”

  Steve jealous? He was her friend. That’s all he could ever be.

  Judith snapped her fingers in front of Jenny’s face. “Christmas eve? Dinner?”

  Jenny hesitated. Christmas eve dinner with Gabe’s family would emphasize his not being there. If she just spent the holiday alone with her family, perhaps old memory cells would kick in to past, familiar Christmases before Gabe and it wouldn’t hurt so much.

  Judith leaned forward. “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. Gabe’s remarrying after all these years took me by surprise, and I know I didn’t react very gracefully—”

  “You accused me of teaching Alex the different sex positions,” Jenny said flatly.

  A bright red rash climbed Judith’s neck. “I was upset.”

  Jenny raised her eyebrows.

  “Very upset.” Judith waved a hand. “Okay, I’m sorry. I was out of line. But we’ve both come a long way. We’re family. Come over.”

  Jenny frowned and bit her lip, considering. “I think I’d better pass, but thank y—.”

  “We’re all going to be sad. Gabe’s only been gone a few months; it’s okay to mourn. But you’re stronger than you know.”

  “Me?” Jenny pointed at her chest and raised her eyebrows. “I’m a coward.”

  “You used to be, but you’ve changed. You single-handedly organized Gabe’s funeral. You wrote an amazing tribute for his obituary and a beautiful eulogy. I couldn’t have done that.” Judith raised her eyebrows for emphasis. “No way could I have spoken in front of all those people, sharing private memories of my husband.” She shook her head. “That took real courage. If you can do that, you can eat dinner with us on Christmas.”

  She could do it, but did she want to? Holidays were time for celebrating with loved ones. Gabe would want her to appreciate the love he’d brought into her life through his family. Besides, she couldn’t wait for Alex and Ted to open their presents. “Can I bring an appetizer? And maybe some champagne?”

  “Absolutely. Gabe always appreciated a toast with some bubbly.” Judith stood and gathered her coat. “Five o’clock. And don’t worry, Dave and I will find you a lawyer. Stay away from the jock.”

  * * *

  Steve watched Judith’s Ford Focus pull out of the drive. He washed a hand down his face and sighed. When had his life gotten so damn complicated? When Jenny and Gabe moved next door. He’d been messing up ever since.

  First he fell in love with his friend’s wife, then he found Annie and got his life back on track, only to have it messed up again when Gabe up and died on him. Suddenly he was falling asleep with Jenny in his arms, and now she wanted him to be her lawyer, and he couldn’t. A good friend would help her. But right now, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of being a good friend to Jenny. He was trying, but damn it was hard.

  When Jenny came home from Saugatuck alone and they’d spent that night together on the couch, he’d been consumed with guilt—as if he’d betrayed his friend and his fiancée. But thankfully, Jenny couldn’t possibly know that a good bit of his grief was fueled by remorse. She’d bravely forged ahead, with the little support he managed to give her. And God forgive him, he’d admired her that much more.

  He hadn’t wanted to love Jenny. Lord knows he tried hard to unlove her. Loving Jenny was fruitless and painful—so incredibly painful. Until Jenny Harrison moved in next door, the precipitous ending of his baseball career had been the most difficult adjustment in his life—but having to hide his feelings and still be her friend and confidant was hell on earth.

  The greatest blow had struck months before Gabe’s death when she’d come over asking for help. They often traded favors, bring in the mail, take out the garbage cans, watching the dog; but this was different, brutally different…

  “I want a baby,” Jenny blurted out.

  Steve leaned back against his cold granite countertop and crossed his legs at his ankles. He carefully schooled his expression to something neutral and bit his lip to keep from grinning. “Ahhh…isn’t that something your husband should help you with?”

  “Funny, Grant.” She scowled at him before her expression turned pleading. “How do I tell Gabe? Before we married I told him I didn’t want children. Besides, I don’t think he wants any more.”

  Steve suspected she was right. His buddy was pretty happy with life the way it was. But Gabe adored Jenny and if a baby was that important to her, he’d probably be willing to start all over again. “Talk to him. Tell him how important it is to you.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because—” She bit her lip and looked away. “He thinks I’m a good person, and—oh, forget it
. You wouldn’t understand.” Jenny turned away and rushed toward the door.

  Steve didn’t want to get involved in their personal lives, but she was upset. Jenny didn’t know that her problem with her husband was scoring his heart like dozens of painful paper cuts. Steve forced air into his lungs to push aside his pain and caught Jenny at the door. He wrapped a brotherly arm around her shoulders and redirected her toward the couch in the family room.

  “What wouldn’t I understand?”

  She studied him carefully, frowning as she sized him up. “When I was fourteen, I got pregnant. Michael’s my adopted brother—and my son.”

  “Oh.” Brilliant response, he derided silently, but he seemed incapable of anything more coherent. “And Gabe doesn’t know?”

  “Of course not. And you can’t tell him.” Her eyes widened in alarm. She looked at him, pleading. “I was just a kid. It was a mistake. I mean, it wasn’t a mistake, because Michael’s a great kid, but the pregnancy was a mistake. Gabe wouldn’t understand.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t think you were a virgin when you married.”

  Fear streaked across her face. “Did he say that?”

  “Of course not.” He sighed and sank down on the couch next to her.

  “Good.” She blew out a deep breath. “Turning Michael over to my mother in the hospital was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it was best for both of us. I tried to keep perspective and not love him, ya know? But I couldn’t. He was a part of me—and so stinkin’ sweet. It wasn’t his fault I was an idiot and got pregnant.”

  He did know. He knew exactly how hard it was to love someone he shouldn’t.

  “The only way I could deal with it was to convince myself that Michael really was my adopted brother. I never ever let myself think of him any other way. But I can’t help remembering what it was like to be pregnant.” She stared off at some distant point. A smile softened her lips and a hopeful glow lit her eyes. “It’d be so much better with Gabe. I can care for a baby now. I have a husband. We could be a family. I could be a real mom this time.” Turning to him, her joy melted into a frown. “But how can I convince Gabe without telling him about Michael?”