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“No, I’ll keep an eye on this one. Tommy’ll go along.” She nudged Tommy, then grabbed Sammy’s thin arm. “You do what the doctor says, hear?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he muttered. Sammy slipped his hand into his brother’s and followed Gabe down the hall.

  “I can watch Clarisse if you want to go with Sammy,” Jenny offered.

  “Tommy’ll do.”

  “You’ve done a wonderful job with the children. They’re very polite and sweet.”

  Staring at the hall her grandsons disappeared down, Grammy J sighed. “I try. It about tore me up to have to send Tommy away, but he better off outta that neighborhood.” She looked at Jenny. “You know, you try to do the right thing. You take ’em to church and try to raise ’em right, but with the gangs and the drugs, they just won’t let ’em be. Them kids were after Tommy for weeks to join up, but I sent him away. He better off.”

  “I’m sorry. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing. I know Tommy misses his brother and sister, but the Jeromes are nice people and make sure he visits, right?”

  “Not enough. I shouldn’t have to get permission from nobody when I needs to take my own flesh and blood outta school to he’p his brother,” Grandma J whispered. She looked sideways at Jenny. “You got kids?”

  “Me? Uh—” Jenny resisted the urge to put a hand to her stomach; instead she shook her head. “Stepchildren. But they’re in college.”

  “None of your own?”

  Not really. Not yet. “No. Children are a lot of responsibility.”

  Grammy J’s head bobbed. “Amen to that.”

  “Well, I think you’re doing an awesome job.” She smiled and ducked her head to look at the four-year old. “Isn’t she?”

  Clarisse nodded shyly.

  “Would you like a juice box Miss Clarisse?” At the enthusiastic nod, Jenny looked at Grammy J. “Can I get you both a juice, or perhaps you’d like coffee?”

  “No. Thank you.”

  Jenny went off to the kitchen to get drinks. On her way back, she ran into Gabe and the boys.

  “Will he live?” Jenny teased.

  “Should.” Gabe looked at Grammy J. “He’s got a pretty good ear infection going, but after a few days of antibiotics, he’ll be fine. I’ll get the medicine, then we can be on our way.”

  Jenny handed out the juices. Grammy J sat stiffly in the plastic chair. Her knee began fanatically springing again as she constantly scanned the near-empty waiting room as if expecting an attack. Poor thing couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable.

  Jenny turned Tommy aside so they faced the wall. “You know there are free programs to help her learn to read.”

  “What?”

  “She can learn to read; she’s not too old.” Jenny looked into his eyes. “You can’t always be there to help her.”

  Tommy stood up tall and lifted his chin. “Who says she can’t read?”

  “I says.”

  “She’s too proud,” he whispered.

  “Maybe I can talk to her after I get back from vacation.”

  “Maybe.” He gave her a considering look before breaking into a broad smile. “She likes you.”

  “I like her too.”

  Gabe returned, gave Grammy J the medicine and explained the dosage. He looked at Jenny. “How about we give these nice people a ride home?”

  Grammy J frowned. “We don’t want to trouble you.”

  He held the door open for them. “No trouble. I insist.”

  “Thank you.” She looked up with solemn eyes and nodded. “For everything.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Jenny’s heart swelled with pride. She caught Gabe’s eye, and mouthed, “I love you.”

  He winked and opened the car door for her.

  They piled into Jenny’s Jeep, dropped the Johnsons home and Tommy at school. After Tommy disappeared behind the dark wooden doors, Jenny turned in her seat. “You’re a good man, Gabriel Harrison.”

  Gabe stretched out in the passenger’s seat. “I try.”

  She smiled at his glib answer. “I know how precious your free time is. Thanks for doing that for me.”

  He gave her a warm look. “My pleasure.”

  Some husbands would be seriously derailed at starting their vacation several hours late because their wives committed them to a good deed, but not Gabe. Her husband was a sweetie, a real angel. She just hoped what she had to tell him wouldn’t wreck things.

  “What would I do without you?”

  He threaded his fingers through hers. “Don’t worry, you’re never gonna get the chance to find out.”

  * * *

  Driving down I-94 in her new sapphire blue Jeep, they sped past Detroit Metro airport before Jenny remembered the present. “Oh. With all the commotion, I forgot about your anniversary present. Look in the glove compartment.”

  Gabe pulled out the flat, square gift. Though the distinctive shape pretty much precluded the reason for wrapping the CD, Jenny had chosen brightly colored paper and tied a stylish gold wire-rimmed bow around it. “Guess who.”

  “Isn’t the appropriate gift for a second anniversary paper or tin foil or pottery?”

  “Close. Guess who.”

  “Kelly Clarkson?”

  “Would I get you my favorite singer as a present?”

  “You got me headphones for Christmas so you could sleep while I watched TV in bed.”

  “That’s different,” she dismissed airily. “That was a gift to both of us. You get to watch the whole TV show in bed, and I don’t have to harass you to turn it off when I want to go to sleep.”

  “And that’s different…How?”

  “It’s cheaper than marriage counseling,” she said in mock warning.

  Gabe laughed and tore open the wrapping, revealing a classic Chuck Mangione recording. “Jazz. Great. Thanks, honey.” He reached out a hand to massage her shoulder. Jenny leaned into his touch, enjoying the way his fingers lingered at the nape of her neck and toyed with her hair.

  “You’re welcome. Why don’t you pop it in?”

  They drove west across Michigan to the relaxing sounds of the horn while the tension lines eased from around Gabe’s eyes. The hectic pace of his general surgery practice combined with his volunteering at the inner city clinic took its toll.

  The breeze from the open window whipped Gabe’s short hair. He propped one sneaker-clad foot on the dash and slumped deeper in his seat. “Are you in mourning yet? Now that Steve and Annie are engaged.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Funny. She’s not who I would’ve picked for him, but I’ll be nice to her.”

  Gabe chuckled. “You hate her.”

  She shot him a quick, accusing look before returning her attention to the road. “You don’t like her either.”

  “He could do better.”

  “So why Annie? And proposing at a football game?” She rolled her eyes. “How private and romantic.”

  “It had national coverage. She loved it.”

  “She would,” Jenny muttered. “Think she’s pregnant?”

  One eyebrow arched over mirrored aviator glasses. “Not nice.”

  Yeah…this “nice” thing would take some practice.

  Gabe rummaged through the cooler for a Coke Zero and opened it with a loud pfft. Holding it out to Jenny for a sip, his hand jerked, sending soda splashing across the center console.

  “Shoot.” He grabbed a Kleenex to swipe at the drops sliding down the side of his seat.

  Jenny swallowed a quick gulp and handed the can back. “Thanks.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Gabe’s hand tremble violently as he raised the can to his lips. This wasn’t the first time she’d noticed his hand shaking, but it seemed to come and go.

  He glanced sideways and flashed her a rueful grin. “Better lay off the caffeine.”

  She gasped. “Leadless?” They’d always disdained decaf coffee.

  He stared at the black can in his hand and sighed. “Soda, too.”

  Jenny la
ughed at his sorrowful look. Gabe loved his morning coffee and was a bear until he’d downed at least half a cup. The hand jitters made him more nervous than she would have thought. Did he know something he wasn’t telling her? She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye again. It was probably nothing a little less caffeine wouldn’t cure. They’d give it up together. Caffeine wasn’t good for the baby anyway.

  Before Benton Harbor, they turned north onto a less-populated road. They drove up the coast past near-empty beaches now lying dormant in the off-season. The musty smell of lake water gave way to the distant scent of burning leaves. Harbors sat quiet, where a few remaining boats waited patiently to be dry-docked and stored for the winter.

  “Hey, Gabe?”

  “Hmm.”

  Jenny kept her eyes on the road. Her fingers flexed around the steering wheel. “What would you think of our having a baby?”

  Chapter 2

  Gabe’s sunglasses hid far too much of his expression, Jenny only had the momentary tightening of his lips to gauge his reaction. He paused long nerve-wracking seconds before answering. “I thought you didn’t want children.”

  “I know I said that, but…what if I do?”

  “We already made this decision—it’s what we both wanted.”

  “Maybe I changed my mind.”

  “You were pretty emphatic about not wanting children, Jen.”

  “I know,” she said in a conciliatory tone. “But I was a little overwhelmed with my job, the wedding, and the house renovation. I really thought I didn’t want kids. I figured I’d be busy with my career and being a wife and stepmother, but maybe I was wrong,” she finished softly.

  “I got you Ritz.”

  “A dog’s not quite the same as a child.”

  Gabe sat quietly for what seemed like minutes. “You want a baby?”

  His obvious reluctance kept her from blurting the truth. Jenny kept her eyes on the road, afraid to look at him. Afraid of the anger and betrayal she might find in his face. Her grip tightened around the steering wheel until the tendons in her hand rose up and fanned out in four taut lines.

  “I…yeah. You’re a great dad to Alex and Ted, but I missed out on sharing those times with you. And being divorced, even you missed a lot.” She paused and snuck a sideways look at him. “What do you think?”

  Gabe sat in the seat with his eyes closed so long she feared he’d gone to sleep. Only a rhythmic clenching of his jaw betrayed his feelings. Darn, this hadn’t been the right time to bring it up.

  “Gabe?” she ventured softly.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  * * *

  As if he could think of anything else—and he’d tried. Over the next two days, Gabe tried hard to let the fall country beauty distract him from Jenny’s proposal. She didn’t press the issue, which in itself made him nervous. Her continued silence indicated how serious she was about wanting this baby.

  When Jenny wasn’t interviewing the proprietors of the Saugatuck Inn for her article or typing up notes, they took long walks on the beach or in the woods. Hand in hand, they shuffled through the blaze of autumn colors littering the ground, absorbing the earthy scent of dirt mixed with the unmistakable smoky smell of burning leaves.

  Fond memories of a radiant Jenny raking the leaves in their yard back home were intruded upon when the images suddenly contained a bundled, runny-nosed toddler waddling across the lawn. Trying to dismiss the picture, Gabe spent hours staring at his suspense novel until the words blurred before him and he read the same page at least five times, but even Harlan Coben couldn’t compete with Jenny’s bombshell.

  Damn. She wanted a baby.

  A part of him was tempted to experience parenthood again with her. The thought of a tiny newborn nursing at her breast stirred something deep and primitive within him. But a larger part, the selfish part, wanted another child like he wanted a Drano enema.

  He’d gone through the long, sleepless nights caring for his sick children. He’d celebrated their freedom from diapers, each lost tooth, and mastery of riding two-wheel bikes without training wheels. He’d sympathized at the funerals of six goldfish, three hamsters, and one cat. He’d spent years juggling his schedule to attend soccer, little league games, and tennis matches, feeling guilty when his job made him miss a crucial birthday or school event. Though rewarding, parenthood was difficult, time-consuming, and sometimes heartbreaking. And long—definitely long.

  Gabe washed a hand over his face. Marriage was about compromise and sacrifice. But in this situation, having a baby was a hell of a sacrifice for him. He did not want to start all over again at forty-three. Then again, he supposed never experiencing pregnancy and parenthood from conception was a hell of a sacrifice for her.

  The morning of their last day of vacation, Gabe waited out front by their bikes, admiring his wife as Jenny skipped down the wide porch steps. She’d pulled her brown hair back in a ponytail and covered her worn jeans with his blue and gold striped rugby shirt that fell mid-thigh on her. Smiling widely, she looked at him with those guileless, translucent blue eyes. Lord she was beautiful. A shiny silver helmet dangled from her finger.

  “Glad to see you’ve come prepared,” he said, nodding at the helmet.

  “It’s for you. Your other anniversary present. It’s about time you retire that old, hot relic.” She stretched out her hand to take his black helmet.

  “That’s sweet of you, but I like this one.”

  “Look at all these ventilation channels to keep you cool.” She flipped it over to show him the inside. “And quick-drying padding made with some fancy material to inhibit nasty smelling bacteria. Try it on.” She held the helmet out to him. “I had to go to four stores to find this helmet in a color you wouldn’t hate.”

  He took it from her and plopped it on his head. Stiff, but it fit. Hand halfway to his chinstrap, he looked at her. “What about you? What’re you going to wear?”

  “Me?” Not riding often, she obviously hadn’t thought about herself. “I’ll wear your old one.”

  “Take this one.” He thrust the new helmet at her. A sly look crossed his face before he contrived to look innocent. “A really considerate wife would break it in for me.”

  Jenny snatched the new helmet. “When we get home, you are going to wear this one.” She glared at him while tugging the chinstraps until it fit snugly, grumbling, “I’m gonna burn that ugly old thing.”

  “Thanks, sweetheart. Although your head’s a bit big, you’ll break it in just fine for me.”

  Jenny gave him the evil eye and pushed her bike toward the deserted road.

  Peddling down the black top, they soon reached a designated trail that wound between large oak trees, through a meadow, and around a little pond. The few remaining dandelions relinquished their fuzz to loft above decaying fields of wildflowers and thistle patches, floating lazily about in the cool morning air. Straggling songbirds foraged for one last meal before heading south for the winter.

  Gabe breathed in deeply, loving the earthy scent of the lingering summer warmth melding with the inevitable fall decay. Stealing a glance at Jenny, he read the contentment in her expression. Regret weighed heavily on his soul. What he had to do would shatter nature’s soothing influence as surely as a rock shatters a windshield. He fervently hoped it wouldn’t destroy anything more important—like her heart. Or their marriage.

  Spotting a huge log that looked like the perfect resting place, Gabe pulled over and dismounted. Jenny pulled up behind him, straddling her bike. “Tired already, Harrison? This vacation was supposed to rejuvenate you.”

  “I’m rejuvenated.” He snagged her shirt and pulled her close. With a gentle hand at her jaw, Gabe tilted her head up so he could memorize every curve, every nuance of her heart-shaped face before settling on her intelligent eyes. Good Lord, she was beautiful. She was energy, and laughter, and love; everything he had ever wanted. Jenny filled his heart with warmth and light.

  “I love you.”

  A smile
curved her lips and lit her eyes. “I love you, too.”

  Gabe fumbled with the hem of her shirt until he could slip his hand beneath, where he caressed the warm silkiness of her waist. He loved her soft skin—could spend hours stroking it, like rubbing a good-luck charm. His hand splayed, spanning her small back, pulling her close.

  Lowering his head, Gabe feathered light kisses over her lips. Jenny’s arms snaked around his neck, pressing him closer until he couldn’t tell her heartbeat from his. With a little sigh, she toyed with the hair at the base of his neck, sending shafts of delight down his spine and heat pooling in his groin.

  Gabe kissed his wife long and deeply. Remorse intensifying his passion, he molded Jenny’s hips to his, hardly feeling the cold metal of her bike gouging his thighs. Eyes shut, he devoured her lips, as if his love alone could bend her will to his. A tremor moved through him as he thought about how much of his soul this woman owned. She was his heart. His life. He didn’t want to share her—he didn’t want to lose her.

  Jenny moaned in appreciation. Her bike crashed to the ground.

  Chest heaving, Gabe eased away from her. “That’s no way to treat an expensive bike.”

  She looked at him from beneath passion-drooping eyelids and licked her lips. “Then you shouldn’t seduce me with a kiss like that.”

  “That good, eh?” He stood a little taller.

  She stepped over the bike, feigning nonchalance. “Not bad—for an old married man.”

  Gabe took Jenny’s hand, so small and delicate, so trustingly curled around his own fingers, and guided her to the large log. Straddling the trunk, he pulled her down to face him. “Jenny. About the baby—”

  “You don’t want to,” she broke in.

  He looked up. The disappointment deep in her eyes weighed on his chest, crushing his heart and conscience. “I love you and I understand your wanting a baby. I have no doubt you’d make a wonderful mother.” He paused and looked out over the lake. “It’s me. I’m a selfish bastard. I can’t help thinking of all the negatives. I’d be in my sixties by the time this child graduated college.”

  “Sixty’s not all that old.”